This Is Where I'm at Today....Needing Kenneth Cope

Turn off my playlist, enjoy the music, and the feeling that always goes with it. Then go to the link below the video, it is so beautiful, Mark Mably. I know you've seen it, but the stories connected with the photos are wonderful testimonies.




http://mabrystudios.typepad.com/reflections_of_christ/


What follows is a long venting post, personal, probably a lot of nonsensical blabbering, so, really, you may go now.

Sometimes hope wavers; optimism is hard to grasp and keep a hold of; faith is surely testing; and I wonder if the work is worth it to do alone. (I know I'm not alone, but technically in this situation, I am)
Really, not trying to be depressing, just anxiously looking forward to Nickole's sealing to Kye and all the emotions that go with it and feeling as if I could explode with all I want to have in my life and wondering if I have to be perfect to attain it. Of course, check the time of the post and you can tell I'm on a late-night, can't sleep, worrisome stretch again. (Guess I should have taken that Lunesta)

I had my temple recommend interview today. I always leave feeling not quite good enough, yet reassured I am trying to do my best, better than yesterday, last week, last year. Sigh.
I want free agency, I want us all to have it. But oh the frustration of it. Do I really want to take it away from others I love? But the Selfishness of "This is what I want"!!!! Of course we on this earth don't word it exactly that way, but isn't that what we are saying when we don't want to do "the right thing".
Then I feel resentment!!!
And neither of it helps make any life any better, singularly or family wise. SOOOO. Deep Breaths.... What would Christ do to a child he watches on earth who is struggling to figure their life out, frustrated they aren't choosing helpful paths. Sometimes I wish I had "angel instructing" powers. I'd strike some people stiff/dumb for three days.

All this comes on the tail of a gal telling me "You are always so confident. You have it all together and know what you want and it all falls in place for you." Man have I got them fooled. What does she think I want?
OK, I've awakened my husband with my typing, I must be on a venting spree. My hand would be flailing if I were speaking, thank heaven the keyboard contains my words.